(Or nothing. You heard nothing, Elijah, forget about it.)
"I know -" she clears her throat and rephrases more carefully. "It doesn't feel worth it. Being just me and my mission was easy. But now it's me and nothing and everything's hard."
"...I'm sorry," Elijah says, quietly, sincerely. It's probably the first
time that she's talked about her current situation simply in terms of how
she feels about it. About how it feels to experience it.
"I know I've said this before, but you can choose something new for
yourself. It's not 'you and nothing'. It's you and anything. But I
understand how that can feel overwhelming."
Maybe it's easier when she can blame it on the flood. Maybe it's why she came to see him in person, instead of staying on a communicator that's all too easy to turn off.
"The only thing around is the Barge. And I don't want anything to do with that."
"The deal was about getting you to talk to me. I honestly didn't expect you
to get a job on top of that." No bugs. "Regardless, you've continued doing
it. And you do talk to other people."
"Hmph." That's not how she interpreted things, but whatever. "Stan needs to be shown he can't boss me around, anyway." Because she won't admit that she actually has a bit of fun trolling the old coot.
"But talking doesn't mean anything. It's too boring here not to, anyway."
Jasper crosses her arms again, closed off and grumpy. "Nothing here is good." Just because she's ready - barely - to admit she's struggling doesn't mean she's going to be very cooperative with doing something about it.
"All right. We've been at this impasse several times before, Jasper. Do
you want to talk about why it's difficult for you to see a future for
yourself?"
"No." Which isn't a lie, because she doesn't. "I don't know why, anyway. Not really." It's something she's been actively avoiding trying to analyze, because it makes her uncomfortable.
"That's why I'm suggesting we talk about it," Elijah says, patiently.
"You're treating this issue as an immovable obstacle, but I don't think it
is one."
"I don't," Elijah says solemnly. "Neither of us do. This is going to be -
alien, to you. Gems are created already in possession of the skills
they're judged to need. Humans are used to having to choose, practice and
develop the skills that we want to ultimately benefit from. You're going
to have to do that too."
"It's all I ever contemplate." The insects that pop up this time are actually hoverflies - bumblebee mimics - because it's more of an exaggeration than an outright lie.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:11 pm (UTC)"I know -" she clears her throat and rephrases more carefully. "It doesn't feel worth it. Being just me and my mission was easy. But now it's me and nothing and everything's hard."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:17 pm (UTC)"...I'm sorry," Elijah says, quietly, sincerely. It's probably the first time that she's talked about her current situation simply in terms of how she feels about it. About how it feels to experience it.
"I know I've said this before, but you can choose something new for yourself. It's not 'you and nothing'. It's you and anything. But I understand how that can feel overwhelming."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:39 pm (UTC)"The only thing around is the Barge. And I don't want anything to do with that."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:42 pm (UTC)"I don't know if that's entirely true. You've chosen a job," Elijah offers as an example.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:52 pm (UTC)"The deal was about getting you to talk to me. I honestly didn't expect you to get a job on top of that." No bugs. "Regardless, you've continued doing it. And you do talk to other people."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 07:57 pm (UTC)"But talking doesn't mean anything. It's too boring here not to, anyway."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-04 08:01 pm (UTC)"All right. So what else might keep you from getting bored?" Elijah asks, levelly.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 09:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 10:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 10:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 12:19 pm (UTC)I'm sorry you got an emotionally scarred toddler for an inmate, Elijah. But here she is.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 12:35 pm (UTC)He really did volunteer for specifically this.
"All right. We've been at this impasse several times before, Jasper. Do you want to talk about why it's difficult for you to see a future for yourself?"
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 12:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 12:49 pm (UTC)"That's why I'm suggesting we talk about it," Elijah says, patiently. "You're treating this issue as an immovable obstacle, but I don't think it is one."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 02:24 pm (UTC)"I don't," Elijah says solemnly. "Neither of us do. This is going to be - alien, to you. Gems are created already in possession of the skills they're judged to need. Humans are used to having to choose, practice and develop the skills that we want to ultimately benefit from. You're going to have to do that too."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 02:34 pm (UTC)Luckily for her, calling something dumb or stupid because it distresses her doesn't seem to trigger the flood.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-05 05:58 pm (UTC)"That's arguable, and irrelevant regardless," Elijah says. "So I don't see why that's something for you to even contemplate at this point."
no subject
Date: 2020-08-06 06:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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