"I don't need anyone!" Immediate angry buzzing, but she doesn't have enough self-control right now to stop. "And I wouldn't bother with you if we weren't stuck together!"
The swarm descends, because both of those were whoppers.
She swats and smacks, narrowly avoiding hitting herself in the gem a couple times out of frustration. It takes a few moments to clear most of the bugs, before she glowers sulkily at him.
"No." With all the pettiness of a cranky five-year-old for him setting her up to have to answer that honestly.
"It is only you." And it bothers her and she doesn't want it to. "And even you, half the time I don't know if I want to punch you or-" She's not finishing that sentence. "It's complicated and I hate it and I'm just waiting for you to leave like everyone else does."
"I've already made myself clear, on that point," Elijah says quietly.
(Punch him or...what?)
"But relationships, friendships - they are complicated. I avoided them
myself, for a long time. That's part of why I was able to do
some...extremely amoral things, in pursuit of my intellectual interests."
(Or nothing. You heard nothing, Elijah, forget about it.)
"I know -" she clears her throat and rephrases more carefully. "It doesn't feel worth it. Being just me and my mission was easy. But now it's me and nothing and everything's hard."
"...I'm sorry," Elijah says, quietly, sincerely. It's probably the first
time that she's talked about her current situation simply in terms of how
she feels about it. About how it feels to experience it.
"I know I've said this before, but you can choose something new for
yourself. It's not 'you and nothing'. It's you and anything. But I
understand how that can feel overwhelming."
Maybe it's easier when she can blame it on the flood. Maybe it's why she came to see him in person, instead of staying on a communicator that's all too easy to turn off.
"The only thing around is the Barge. And I don't want anything to do with that."
"The deal was about getting you to talk to me. I honestly didn't expect you
to get a job on top of that." No bugs. "Regardless, you've continued doing
it. And you do talk to other people."
"Hmph." That's not how she interpreted things, but whatever. "Stan needs to be shown he can't boss me around, anyway." Because she won't admit that she actually has a bit of fun trolling the old coot.
"But talking doesn't mean anything. It's too boring here not to, anyway."
Jasper crosses her arms again, closed off and grumpy. "Nothing here is good." Just because she's ready - barely - to admit she's struggling doesn't mean she's going to be very cooperative with doing something about it.
"All right. We've been at this impasse several times before, Jasper. Do
you want to talk about why it's difficult for you to see a future for
yourself?"
"No." Which isn't a lie, because she doesn't. "I don't know why, anyway. Not really." It's something she's been actively avoiding trying to analyze, because it makes her uncomfortable.
"That's why I'm suggesting we talk about it," Elijah says, patiently.
"You're treating this issue as an immovable obstacle, but I don't think it
is one."
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The swarm descends, because both of those were whoppers.
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Elijah cringes, and picks up a magazine to do some assertive shooing of bugs.
...Really, just that he didn't intend for this to happen didn't mean that he didn't expect it to.
"Are you alright?"
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"No." With all the pettiness of a cranky five-year-old for him setting her up to have to answer that honestly.
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"...Sorry," he at least has the grace to say, when he realises as much. "Do you want to talk about it?"
And he's not apologising for asking that. She can leave whenever she wants to.
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"I've already made myself clear, on that point," Elijah says quietly.
(Punch him or...what?)
"But relationships, friendships - they are complicated. I avoided them myself, for a long time. That's part of why I was able to do some...extremely amoral things, in pursuit of my intellectual interests."
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"I know -" she clears her throat and rephrases more carefully. "It doesn't feel worth it. Being just me and my mission was easy. But now it's me and nothing and everything's hard."
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"...I'm sorry," Elijah says, quietly, sincerely. It's probably the first time that she's talked about her current situation simply in terms of how she feels about it. About how it feels to experience it.
"I know I've said this before, but you can choose something new for yourself. It's not 'you and nothing'. It's you and anything. But I understand how that can feel overwhelming."
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"The only thing around is the Barge. And I don't want anything to do with that."
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"I don't know if that's entirely true. You've chosen a job," Elijah offers as an example.
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"The deal was about getting you to talk to me. I honestly didn't expect you to get a job on top of that." No bugs. "Regardless, you've continued doing it. And you do talk to other people."
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"But talking doesn't mean anything. It's too boring here not to, anyway."
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"All right. So what else might keep you from getting bored?" Elijah asks, levelly.
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I'm sorry you got an emotionally scarred toddler for an inmate, Elijah. But here she is.
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He really did volunteer for specifically this.
"All right. We've been at this impasse several times before, Jasper. Do you want to talk about why it's difficult for you to see a future for yourself?"
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"That's why I'm suggesting we talk about it," Elijah says, patiently. "You're treating this issue as an immovable obstacle, but I don't think it is one."
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